Friday, August 13, 2010

CONFLICTS!



Scene 1:

Wife: I am ready; let’s go to the Sushi restaurant.

Husband: I have had a busy day and I am tired completely. Make something to eat.

Wife: You are always tired when you have to take me out. I am not going to make food tonight, sleep hungry!

Scene 2:

Girl: Daddy I am to my friend's birthday bash, gonna be back late night.


Dad: No late night parties! For God's sake change that dress which keeps shortening every time.


Girl: Dad, it’s supposed to be cool ok. Can you ever try to understand what I want??

Scene 3:

Brother: I told you not to touch my stuff! Take this [Phat, Bang...A loud cry]


Sister: You nasty creature, wait till I tell dad and he gives you a sound trashing. I am going to check all your things, wait till you go to college tomorrow.


Brother: You, You...I am going to lock my room and if you dare try to open, be ready for more.

Scene 4:

Boss: You still have not completed the report that I asked you to finish, why do you come to office? You think it is a joke to show your face here without completing your assigned task?


Employee: Sorry Sir, I was busy with the other report, will complete this ASAP.
[In his mind- *%#@, loads of work and on top of it his rudeness. I am just waiting for an offer letter from the ABC Company]


Boss: Next time, you better watch out.

Post Scene - Anger, humiliation, bitterness and stress!
How many of us can relate to one of the scenes that I have mentioned above? I am sure a majority of them could relate to one or more for sure. Conflict! Conflict! Conflict! They are hurtful, emotionally charged and can be depressing in extreme cases. They feel bigger, scarier and threatening than other issues because in addition to addressing the differences they carry an element of real or implied danger.

We all know that we cannot avoid conflicts in our life. They are normal and very much part of relationships. So since they are inevitable it becomes very crucial to deal with them in a healthy way. If mismanaged they can spiral into unhealthy emotions that can damage even best of relationships. Life can throw at us situations when we expect it least, lacking skills to cope with them can leave one emotionally drained for a long time.

Conflicts arise when there is difference of opinion over desires, values, advices, perceptions, motivations and ideas. One thing I learned from my personal experience is that sometimes conflicts look trivial on the face of it but when they trigger strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem.
- Need to feel safe and secure
- Need to feel respected and valued
- Need for greater closeness and intimacy
If these needs are ignored, they cause stress and can turn up unexpectedly at inappropriate times and in connection with other issues. Phew!

So there must be a way how we could resolve this never ending issue of our lives. After a good amount of research, I have come up with easy steps to practice in our practical life. Conflicts when actually ended with mutual respect and satisfactory resolution, stimulates brain growth and fosters safety and trust.

Here are few important steps to keep in mind to diffuse a conflict that can possibly grow bigger and bigger means more damage!!

1. Management of stress- Learn always to be calm and alert when faced with such situation. For short tempered people this is a huge task. Try to control your emotions that flood your mind. The more important the relationship is the more emotions we experience. Always try to communicate in a non threatening and comforting manner. Be gentle and kind in your words. Trust me you will see magic.

2. Hear others- Listen to what the other person is trying to convey and by having a control over yourself you can make that person hear you. Look behind the words and notice the facial expressions and the gestures that are taking place. You will find lot more details that you would have normally skipped in your anger.


3. Stay focused in the present- Times change and so do people with the way they feel, think and act. Digging skeletons will also dig your own grave.

4. Forgive- Easy to say but difficult to practice. But it is one of most beautiful quality a human being can have for strong relationships. You will always benefit and never lose out of this act.


5. End conflicts that can’t be resolved- Painful upset is a part of life. Two people can’t possibly retain the same needs, opinions and expectations. It takes two to keep the argument going and every story has more than one side. Seeking the other person’s perspective can allow you to disengage and avoid becoming emotionally drained when there is no obvious solution to your conflicts.

I hope you can benefit from this topic, wish you very best when you are faced with conflicts. Remember that by avoiding disrespectful words and hurtful communication we allow people to reunite faster and help mutual trust to flourish. Choose your arguments carefully, some of them are not worth your energy and time!

Till next time, keep smiling:)

Fizz.

Friday, March 5, 2010

HOW TO DEAL WITH EXAM STRESS

       EXAMINATION! Most of us carry a heavy burden on our mind when we hear this word. It feels like somebody kept a 10 kilo bag on the head. Specially in march with exams round the corner, it is important to know how to deal with them. Exams are just to assess your preparation. So just relax, it is not the end of the world if you do not fare well in them. First and most important is your preparation before exam. Make sure you have prepared well and know the important topics well. On the day of the exam, completely avoid last minute mugging and stressing. You should have a good sleep of minimum 8 hours the previous night. The  important steps for having a relaxed mind during exam are:
  1. Organize. Make sure you have all the things necessary for the exam. Your stationary, your identity ticket and your watch etc.... Last minute searching for things can stress your mind further and create a panic during exam which can be disastrous
  2. Diet. Before you go to the exam, eat foods that are energy producing and at the same time not too heavy on your stomach that make you sleepy in the examination hall. Never go empty stomach as you can end up concentrating more on your hunger than your exam paper. Fruits and proteins are good source of energy. Avoid intake of heavy carbohydrates like rice and potatoes which will make you lethargic. If possible carry a water bottle to the exam hall to rehydrate yourself when required.
  3. Relax. One hour before exam, relax!! Don't stress yourself feeding more information to your already worked up brain. Whatever you have learned, be confident of it and try to picture a calm stream or take some deep breaths. You have done your preparation and now you should prepare yourself to give your best. A tired mind will do no good, so it is necessary to go in the hall with a refreshed mind. You have worked hard for it and nobody can take away your hard work. What you give always comes back to you. Remember this nature's law. If you are not prepared well, let your mind accept the fact. It is not possible to go unprepared and expect no stress and good results.
  4. Plan. Once you get the question paper in your hand. Read all the questions and make a quick rough plan how you are going to invest your time for doing your best. Mark the questions which you know the best and attempt them first. In this manner, you will increase your confidence further. Appreciate yourself for remembering the solutions and answers, your brain will work better. Never curse yourself if you forgot or didn't study something which you thought about studying. Remember it is too late now, your focus should be on the present moment.
  5. Cross check. It is very very important to check your answers again in the end. The last 15 minutes should be to review your paper. Recheck every answer with patience and you will be surprised to come across a lot of careless faults. Make the necessary corrections.
  6. Forget. Most of the time after the exam is over we worry about the results or waste time discussing what our friends have written. Realize that the time to do something about the results is passed when you handed the answer sheet to the examiner. Knowing how your friend wrote in the paper will only add more worry. Chances are that even the friend who told you he did not do well, would have lied to you. Accept that everybody tries their best in the exams. Of course don't count the losers. So in anyways you are spending your time and spoiling your peace of mind trying to know what others did or worrying over that has already passed. Concentrate on how you will face your next exam or how you are going to spend your time efficiently.

NOTE: It is important to pray to your creator to give you the fruit of your efforts before you take up your exams. It is proven by scientific research that prayer calms the mind. It helps to remove anxiety.

Keep smiling and relax!
Fizz

Thursday, February 4, 2010

DEFINITION OF LOVE

     February is the special month to celebrate the emotion 'love' on Valentine's Day. I vividly remember when I was a girl of class eight, one of my friend got a rose and a teddy-bear holding a red heart. She had a boyfriend  from another school. Our school was a girls school and  my friend managed to get some vicious looks from some of our classmates who tried hard to cover their jealousy behind an artificial smile. She would get comments like ''wow, you are so lucky ya.'' ''Oh my god, look at the teddy bear,it is soooooo cute''. ''He must be loving you sooo much ya''.

My friend was a master in showing off. She would show the teddy bear and be too proud to allow anyone to touch it as if it was a priceless piece.That only added to the speculation she got for having a boyfriend. I liked my friend a lot and there was no room for jealousy for me but my heart would wrench each time my friend would pop the teddy bear and rose to showoff to others. It was the beginning of understanding what love was between Girl and Boy. It was so rosy to think of having a cute looking boy with dimples in his cheek and mushroom cut, wearing blue jeans and white shirt  smiling at me. That was precisely the definition of love in my adolescence.

       In different stages of life,the definition of love kept changing. With commitment there is a whole new definition. Life will give a special person who is meant to walk along till the end of it, in happiness and sickness, in sadness and ease and to complete you. For every man and woman are made incomplete. The soul finds its rest and wellness with another soul whom God has ordained to be together with his universal plan. According to me, this is love.

Here is a poem which I had written two years back on Love..Would like to share it with you all.

Hey you there, ever been in love?
Ever seen the touching beaks of a pair of doves?
Aha, the thought must be already exhilarating you.
I am not special, it makes me feel the same way too.


What can I say, Love is the most superior feeling.
God created it for our healthy being.
The world turns out to be your ecstasy,
That special person becomes your fantasy.

Thoughts can drift you in a different place altogether,
You and your loved one, nobody else to bother!
Falling petals, low lying clouds;
Music soft and slow, never jazzy and loud.

When you can see stars falling from the sky down,
Sorry! If you are finding me an exaggerating clown.
People in love can understand,
Like a fairy has cast a spell with her wand.

All your longed desires and dreams,
Start flowing like a dancing stream.
Soak into the feeling as much as you can,
For once give this world a damn.

For people out there in Love,
Prioritize your loved one above.
If you are yet to find someone,
Patience! You will soon find the one.

If you have forgotten your loved one and turned foolish,
It is not too late, to give it a love polish.
Find love if you are sane,
Your time and efforts will never go in vain!

                                                   -Fizz

Though I believe one day is not enough to express love to your loved one. It is definitely a good excuse to remind them again.Keep smiling;)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fitness tips from Fitness guru.

Bonjour, Dag and Hello to all!!
My dear friends, let me introduce to you Mr. Delise, a fitness expert working for Healthcity, Brussels. I am sure by now you would have seen the video and figured out whom I am talking about. Mr. Delise is a hardworking man who has a down-to-earth attitude.

Whoever said Health is wealth, has rightly said. I believe being healthy helps your body combat the various diseases and stresses we face in this world. Each one of you can find time to give your body and mind the much needed attention. By doing this, you are not only improving your productiveness but also slowing your aging process. It also helps you to elevate your mood and relieve pain.

I decided to spread the importance of healthy life. What better way could I find than to interview Mr. Delise, my fitness idol who religiously takes pain to make sure all of us get the maximum out of his fitness classes which he conducts at Healthcity, Brussels.

For my friends who don't understand French, I am writing the gist of the interview. For those who understand French, pardon me if I have made mistakes in the beautiful language.

Mr.Delise is a Cuban, all the way here in Brussels from the Caribbean island. He is living here in Brussels since 11 years and working as a fitness trainer since 7 years. His fitness idol is Billy Blanks, creator of Tae Bo from USA (I had not heard of him before, here is a link to know more about Billy blanks) http://www.billyblanks.com/category/meet+billy.do

We talk further and I asked him if there is a particular diet to keep ourselves fit. He tells me how important it is to eat well in order to have good energy levels. He advises to eat well during the morning and afternoon, and avoid eating a lot in the night as our body does not burn the calories. It is important to include vegetables, fruits, meat in small portions during the night. An apple helps to avoid muscle cramps and helps in cleansing the stomach.

I also asked him whether chocolate is good for health as I am living in land of chocolate where avoiding chocolate or not avoiding it is an equivalent crime. He tells me that dark chocolate rich in cocoa contains magnesium which is good for health. Hmm I would rather commit crime not avoiding chocolate now! :)

Next he speaks of the importance of maintaining a good posture for flat abdomen which I clearly explain in the video. Lastly, his message to all of us is live in Cuba.. ha ha. On a lighter note he tells us live a happy life with lot of sunshine and festivals. Be generous with your smile!

We thank you Mr. Delise for your time to give us important tips on staying healthy. So dear friends I hope you benefit from this interview and invest some of your time in keeping yourself fit. Don't give much importance to what you see, what you hear is more important(I know the lighting is bad)

Buddha said ''Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.'' So are you the best author? You got the hint, didn't you?

Keep smiling :)

Monday, January 4, 2010

3 IDIOTS AND 1 COPYCAT




Welcome to the show FrankFizz with me your host Fizz and I wish you all a very happy new year! Today we are here to discuss with the successful 3 idiots...Oops I mean the men who made 3 idiots successful! We know the controversy revolving around them and Mr.Chetan Bhagat, the author of Five Point Someone. We are here to throw more light on this issue.

Our first Idiot err I mean guest Mr.Vidhuji welcome to the show. As you all know He is a great director who has given hits like Munna behen...MBBS, 1942: A flop story and Mission crashing.
So everybody please put your hands together for Vidhuji.(Mr.V)
[He enters the show and takes a seat opposite me with 2 more chairs empty next to him]

Mr. V: Hello fizz, nice to be on your elite show.

Me: It is my honor sir to have you as our guest. You can have some tea,till then let me introduce your other partners in crime; ahem… cream sir all the cream you are getting for 3 idiots I meant.

Dudes and dudettes, our next idiot …damn, my tongue is misbehaving. Our next guest Mr.Rajkumarji (Mr.R), the producer of 3 idiots. Give him a round of applause. He has directed films for Vidhuji, the most famous being Munna behen, MBBS and now again a great contribution to Indian Cinema. [Rajkumarji enters the show with his hands joined and takes a seat next to Vidhuji]

Mr. R: Hello Fizz and hello viewers. Thank you all for the great response for 3 idiots.

Me: Hello sir, welcome to the show.

Finally our last and original idiot Mr.Aamirji(Aamir). Well I don’t think I need to give any introduction to this perfectionist who has worked very hard for the movie and its publicity. [An old man walks inside aged 60 years with thick spectacles wearing old sweater which cannot conceal the underlying paunch. He walked towards us with his grey hair under a red muffler and his jaws adjusting the partial denture which peeps every now and then to tell us hi. We all stood up with surprise. Before I figure out, the old man started laughing, then rolled his lips and whistled. AAL is well! He said. The voice triggered a neuron reaction and all of us bursted into laughter. Aamir had disguised himself just as he did going around Banaras to promote his movie.]

Aaamir: ha ha ha...gottcha fizz.

Me: You are great Aamir; you go to such an extent to prove the new title you have got. Thank you for coming on this show and exhibiting your prank well suited for the title.:)

So all you young and old people out there let’s begin our show now as we have all three guests eager to speak. Sadly, Mr. Abhijatji our much anticipated copycat.ahu ahu damn there is no water; I mean Copywriter of 3 idiots is absent.

Me: What happened to Abhijatji, Mr.Vidhuji? He was supposed to be with us today.

Mr.V: I spoke to him today morning and he said he was busy writing a script.

Me: Oh yes we understand he is copy with “ing” and writing. We all wish him success like 3 idiotsJ.Tell me Rajuji what is your response to Mr.Chetan Bhagat asking for due credit to his contribution to this movie?

Mr.R: The credit goes to my friend Abhijat who has written the script and worked on it for 3 years. We have given credit to this Chetan but he is not the real credit holder for it. I can show you 26 scenes which are completely different from the novel which proves that it is not copied from his novel.

Me: Ok ok, Rajuji has made a very invalid point here. Viewers please note;) What do you think Mr.Vidhuji, is Chetan Bhagat asking a lot?. I have read the book when I was a student, 5 years back and I can tell after watching the movie the credit should go to Chetan as the storywriter.

Mr.V: SHUT UP!!YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK.THAT CHETAN IS SOME DUMB WRITER WHO WANTS TO HOG ON THE PUBLICITY OF THIS MOVIE.WHY DID YOU CALL ME ON YOUR SHOW? [Aamir khan pulls the mike away from Vidhuji’s hand and tries to calm him]

Me: Calm down Vidhuji, calm down. Aamir what do you have to say??wiping the sweat off my forehead.

Aamir: Vidhuji is little hot headed...ha ha.actually I have not read the book myself but I am sure the credit goes to Abhijatji. Chetan Bhagat just wants to take the credit away. It happens that some people are hungry for publicity and want to get famous.

Me: Oh I see, you are so sure without reading the book that credit goes to abhijatji. Point to be not missed viewers.:) I think we have to abruptly end the show as Mr.Vidhuji has just had a rise in his BP and has to be hospitalised.Thank you for coming on the show. We all now, know for sure who is the copy writer and we wish you all a great success for being 3 idiots.oops!! for 3 idiots.

Thank you viewers for watching our show.

After the guests leave,I have something to tell you.''Now friends in my opinion the due credit should go to Chetan Bhagat'', I have read the book Five Point Someone and can be sure that the skeleton and body is his, only the costumes are different which means story is from the book,only they have modified some parts of the movie. They should openly admit it and give correct rights to the original author. They have definitely cheated him telling that only 3 to 4 percent is from his book and giving him credit by adding his name in the last which made the author's mother cry is unfair according to me. Aamir commenting that credit should go to Abhijat without reading the book is crazy. So friends send in your comments as what you think? Till then, keep smiling…till next time, your host Fizz.

[Unimportant note: All the characters of this episode are fictitious except Fizz. Any resemblance to the other living characters is purely not coincidental]

Here are two URLs from youtube for you to decide.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alX5I1jKJ5Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEE85uPgOAc