Sunday, December 15, 2013

10 that strengthen and 10 that weaken a 'MARRIAGE'

Marriage is when man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one :) Lets be serious now, marriage is not a word…It’s a sentence, a life sentence...he he he. Oh god! Lets stop it. Marriage is a formal union or legal contract between a man and woman that establishes rights and obligations between them. Finally we got the definition right!

The major religions also have their say. Both the male and female represent the two halves of the divine body in Hinduism. The purpose is to nurture love for each other and not self-interest. They take oath for self restraint and to work for the welfare of the family.
Christianity regards wedlock as a relationship that is lasts throughout life between a man and his wife that is decreed by God. The two become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Islam considers marriage as ‘Half the deen’ means a very important part of it. Once a person marries it means he completes half his faith in Allah. It is considered as most virtuous and approved institutions.

In times like today where stress contributes to a major part of peoples lives. There is increasing number of failures. Women and children are abused and families falling apart. People are forgetting their religion and fancy modern thoughts that have no basis and roots but purely stemmed from human’s selfish desires.

Its time for some tips. Ok ok, I am not an expert! After some research and some personal experience, I am sharing few essential elements that can make or break a relationship. Just hope somebody can save or mend or build or make a bond that lasts forever through this article.

Let’s start on the positives and then have a look at the disasters. So, the top ten makers of a beautiful wedlock are

1. Considering each other- For the ladies out there, obey your husband for the important decisions he takes. He is after all the head of the family, give him his rights. For the men out there, after God it’s your parents, after that it is your wife that makes your life. So give her what she deserves, right to be taken care of.
2. Learn to negotiate conflicts- Please refer to my post on conflicts in year 2010 for more details.  Conflicts can increase in intensity and can be detrimental to your health. Working out ways first by understanding your own issues and respect for the other is important. Arguments are like a fire in the house, it can burn it down in no time. Put it out before it’s too late. Avoid anger when solving it.
3. Please your spouse- Dress up for each other. Ladies take time to look your best in front of your spouse. Make up, lingerie, fine dresses and fragrance!! Oh yes, your husband has to pay the bill. When was the last time your husband came to a clean house, well dressed you, a well prepared dinner and well cleaned up children? Gentlemen don’t take cleanliness for granted, look your best and smell nice. When was the last time you brought home some flowers, a gift and flashed a smile when you entered your home?
4. Humor and laughter- Laugh at things together, smile at each other often. A smile costs nothing but buys everything. If you expect that from your partner, make it easier and take care of their happiness. Selfishness will never make you see that smiling person in your spouse!
5. Jobs- In a marriage both of them have respective roles for the efficient running of the house. Take charge of your responsibilities and manage your finances. Divide your duties and do them. The TV, internet and mobile phone does not need all your time; your house needs more care and attention.
6. Trust- Trust! Trust! Trust!  Yes without you respecting it and keeping it up, your marriage means soil for suspicion, satan and sorrow to grow and rip it apart. Be trustworthy. You both are equal partners to build a home of love and peace.
7. Forgiveness- We as humans make a lot of errors, forgiving is very important to keep your heart free of ill will and negativity. If your spouse has made a mistake, realizes it and repairs it. Let it go. You could one day make a mistake on your own. No one is perfect.
8. Worship together- Find a common spiritual connection. Connection with God is emphasized to direct your thoughts towards peace and unity. To be regular in prayers and practice goodness everyday inside and outside the house.
9. Time for each other- Quality time together is important. Go for rides together, visit friends and family together, spend time alone together and explore intimacy together.
10. Respect- We all should show respect towards everybody. When we give respect, we earn respect. So imagine how much respect you need to give your spouse? Verbal and Physical abuse should not be tolerated by anybody.

Now let us have a look at the ten disasters that can weaken the bond.

1. Misbehavior- Saying hateful things, insulting each other and negative humor can spell disaster. Physical and mental tortures are the worst things that you can do to your spouse.
2. Breaking Promises- Never make promises that you cannot keep. Never speak words that you don’t mean. They all can have a negative effect.
3. Ignoring- Not replying back, not returning the call, avoiding communication, avoiding physical contact and not lending a listening ear. Who would like it?
4. Suspicion- It is thoughts, imagination or doubts that have no basis or proof and can end up false accusation of the other. It causes mental illness, hatred and leads to another major sin of backbiting.
5. Lying-Without any doubt, all religions and the ethical systems of the world warn against it and agree it is wrong. One lie leads to another and before you know you are in a deep troubled state of affairs. One lie can shatter trust, breaking the trust of your partner can be very difficult to bring it back.
6. Cheating- It is heinous and despicable act that is shameful and contrast to a noble character. Showing your partner you love and going to another person to fulfill emotional and physical needs is being a traitor. One should value self highly to avoid falling for such lowly needs of human nature.
7. I’m busy! - Your top priority is your family that lays the foundation of a great society. The peace and security offered by a stable family is essential for the spiritual growth of the members. Make time for each other, life can end before you even know. The love and time you shared with your family will be deeply valued.
8. Avoiding prayer- Connection with your creator is mandatory for guidance in life. It calms your soul and gives you new perspective to look at situations.
9. Jealousy- It is a disease of the heart. Some people have so much pride that they cannot see the other progress. Love for power and ambition will make a person unable to see their partner doing better.
10. Taking things for granted-  When newly married, most couples remember smallest of things concerning each other, bringing gifts on every occasion, whispering sweet words, sending love notes. As years pass by, they take everything for granted causing disinterest and boooom! Disintegration of the relationship.

    I am sure there may be many more things that can make or break. The important ones are highlighted here. Marriage can be most beautiful if sustained on love and mercy.  Don’t break up if you see problems, just wake up and take a hard look, ask for help if it is beyond your capacity. Avoid the negatives and reinforce the positives. Inshallah, you will enjoy a lasting relationship with your better half.

So it was some fizz gyan for you ;) Keep smiling my friends:) until I have something else to write about!