Etiquettes of the tongue

     

             Hey, have you been hurt because of somebody's words? Hmm, it is something that we all have been through at some point of our lives. Wait a minute, have your words shattered somebody? If the answer is yes, you need to understand why it is so unacceptable and can have some serious adverse affects.                                                                                                    

Tongue is a small soft flesh with no bones. What is interesting is, even though it is a small organ of our body it has an influence that is wholly disproportionate to its size. 

It is a word generating machine. The tongue can utter words that can revive a depressed person by an inspirational talk and on the other hand we can depress a normal person with a deleterious talk. As it is rightly said ‘words can help and heal but they can also hurt and kill.’ 

 We should guard our tongue as something precious as gold because if we let it loose it can invite some serious consequences. There is a proverb that says - A person’s tongue can give the taste of his heart. It is so true! Our tongue uncovers about our inner thoughts and feelings. It also helps us to express so that there is understanding among people. Each of us introduces our personality when we talk. The tongue unveils the curtain and displays our real character. A speaker can direct the human society to goodness and prosperity or a speaker can lead the human society towards moral degradation and rampant corruption.  

In my humble opinion we should tame our tongue and control it. There are some etiquettes of the tongue that can be followed 

 

1.  Stay silent unless if you think the words that come out of the mouth are ill and do not benefit others. It is better to be silent. In today’s world I think it equally holds good for our thumbs and fingers too, as what we text or tweet.

 

2.  Considering the consequences- Take just 10 seconds to analyze before you utter the words that the mind wants to push out through our tongue. Try to realize the damage and embarrassment that can ensue. Sometimes even if the other person is mindless in their words we have to learn to hold over tongue because negativity always breeds negativity. If we hurl abuses to people close to us in our anger or mindlessness it can seriously damage the relationship. Remember words once they escape the tongue, the damage is done. 

 

3.  Listen - listening is a very important skill. Most of the time we want to talk and give little importance to listening. Listening helps us to rule out assumptions and also understand what topics can be sensitive to the other person. Politics, sex, religion and finances can be avoided with people outside of our close circle as people can get easily offended. Even sarcasm and jokes can be misinterpreted as discriminatory.

5.  Apologize - Alright, sometimes mistakes happen. If the tongue slipped because you felt defensive instead of calming down, immediately apologize after the realization. A private message can also be sent. This will at least try to do damage control before the relationship can spiral downward. 

 

4.  Some don’ts 

-Don’t scream or shout

-Don’t make empty promises

-Don’t use slang of the riffraff 

-Don’t do exaggerated praise

                  So you see my friends, the importance of taming our tongues! Positive and kind words should be used as they empower, motivate and encourage other people to be better version of themselves. The effect of good words is endless and they accomplish a lot. Don't forget to share and leave your comments below:)

  Until next time, Be kind

  Fizz          

This article was published in the newsletter of toastmasters international. Link given below :

https://www.flipbookpdf.net/web/site/38e83ba4d97eb9ae8d91e12efa5608a299b5b564202010.pdf.html#page/13

Rethink and Reconnect

The modern mind mistakenly believes that progress is apart from nature. We are composed of the earth and what harm we bring upon it, we bring it upon ourselves. It is time to rethink and reconnect. Rethink our actions and reconnect with nature.

Do you all agree that we live in a world that is obsessed with materialism? In our world possessions are used as a yardstick for success and happiness is defined through acquiring, acquiring and more acquiring with little consideration to other beings on this planet. Humans can be so environmentally insensitive, isn't it?

The power of technology and science has enabled man to exploit the use of environment for selfish and indiscriminate use. It is making the world increasingly unsustainable that now we have to panic for the future of our children.

With a rapidly growing population of humans on earth there is an increasing need for more resources in this world. We are depleting resources faster than we can renew. It is like we are living on an ecological credit card. Forests are shrinking, soils are eroding, ground water is depleting, grasslands turning into desert, greenhouse gas emissions causing climate change, glaciers are melting, air pollution to an extent where in some cities people have to pay to catch a breath of fresh air. Fresh air for sale is no longer a joke.

Man-made oceanic dead zones are increasing and have doubled since 1960. Oceanic dead zones are areas of ocean that are so polluted that they have so little oxygen that any marine life can suffocate and die there. Ladies and gentlemen, we may think that the government may take care of it or big investment companies or for a matter of fact world organizations will tackle environmental issues.

Well, the greatest threat to earth is the belief that someone else will save it. None of us are too small to make a difference. So, how can we make a difference? The answer is sustainability. We meet our needs without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. Although there is more to sustainability than environment, I would like to address the pressing need of having a non-toxic environment. We share this planet with other forms of life and it is our responsibility to look after this environment. The air we breathe, our rivers and oceans don't recognize boundaries or species. Sustainability is not a choice but a necessity. Start with your home environment. Rethink your space and reconnect with nature. Make an assessment whether energy and water are used efficiently.

1. Try to obtain food, furniture, and clothing from sustainable sources.

2. Avoid food wastage and use up all the food in the fridge before buying new.

3.  Instead of throwing the vegetable and fruit waste in the kitchen, convert that into compost and use it to grow vegetables and herbs in your backyard. This will give you fresh and organic food and you can contribute by reducing the carbon footprint in the atmosphere.

4. Use energy efficient appliances. Turn them off when not in use

5. Replace regular light bulbs to energy saving bulbs.

6.  Ditch the plastic. We all know that it is toxic to the environment. Try to carry own water bottle from home to avoid buying plastic water bottles. Carry a fold able cloth bag so that you can say no to plastic bags. Use tap water by filtering it and use it for cooking and drinking. Nearly 42 million plastic bottles are discarded per day. It is expensive and damaging the environment.

7. Regarding transportation, whenever possible use public transport as it helps to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions.

The above are some examples of sustainable living. I am sure there are plenty more. I would love to hear from you, give some more examples you can think of in the comment section. Lastly, educate people around you and your children about sustainability. You can make your own Eco projects and inspire people around you. Don't expect other people to change. Be the change. Change for protecting and nurturing a healthy and clean environment not only for us but for our future generations. Make your own pledge to ensure a sustainable future for all.

Think about what I said. Rethink and reconnect with nature.

Wishing you all happiness, prosperity and a healthy environment in 2020!
 

Love

Fizz

Dear stress, Let's break up!

Ronny is fed up constantly fighting with his spouse. During work he is unable to concentrate properly. He spreads negative energy around in his work place and the colleagues have started to avoid him. He started to think his co-workers dislike him.

Shahid is under debts. He is constantly stressed about how he is going to solve his money problems. While his friends enjoy and laugh during their weekend meet. He is infuriated over petty things and he explodes, spoiling the meetings.

Deepa has a new boss who is making her life hell. She often feels very anxious and moody. When she gets back home, she is so stressed out that she just wants to take rest and has no energy to spend time with her spouse. Her spouse feels hurt.

Considering these above situations, they are very much related to our life or to the lives of people around us. Stress is so common today as we juggle with different roles in our lives. It can be so daunting, it can feel as if we have forgotten how it feels to be relaxed and calm!

Hans Selye, an Endocrinologist of Hungarian origin was first to coin the word 'stress'. He defined it as a non-specific response of the body to any demand for a change. He also said that 'Adopting a right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. 

Now you may wonder, What! Can stress be positive? Yes. The positive stress is known as eustress. 

No, no, it doesn't mean to give stress to others and then scream YOU STRESS! It means stress in moderation that helps us to face challenges and accomplish tasks. This is important for feelings of accomplishment, wellbeing and wholeness.

Hans Selye described the three stages of Stress known as Selye's syndrome or General Adoption syndrome in short GAS syndrome. GAS syndrome, very easy to remember. Isn’t it ? :))

1. Alarm stage - This is the stage when stressed the body releases hormones like cortisol and adrenaline for that sudden burst of energy in order to prepare to confront or flee the stressor. The heart rate goes up and the blood glucose increases.

2. Stage of Resistance - The body continues to be in a state of alertness if the stressor is still present. Body continues to direct the energy towards the stress and we can easily be prone to flu and colds at this stage. If the stressor is removed, body starts to heal and return slowly to its default state known as the homeostasis.

3. Exhaustion stage - If the stress is prolonged the body uses up all the deep energy reserves and gets into exhaustion mode, failing to recover. If we don't do something quick at this stage then stress related diseases manifest such as depression, ulcers, viral infections, heart disease etc

 So now we will learn how to quickly manage stress. Read carefully

a) Realization of stress - Answer these simple questions below 

- Do you feel drained of energy?

- Do you have inability to concentrate?

- Are you feeling nervous lately?

- Do you have stomach upsets?

- Are you able to have a good night sleep?

- Do you feel you are unable to relax and feel the muscles tense?

If the answer is yes to most of them, then it is time to act quickly before the stress can start to seriously affect your health.

b) Response to stress 

How do we respond in a stressful condition? We can get very angry and yell at the other person or shut down and withdraw from the situation. And lastly, we can also feel paralyzed, but inside we are boiling with anger. These are the common responses described by psychologists.

c) How to quickly relieve stress. 

This is the key to resilience. It is a very important step that needs to be discovered. You need to do some homework to find out about what can reduce your stress quickly and make a small list on a paper. Keep this paper handy in your wallet to run through it when faced with stressful situations. As you learn it and master it, you can discard it. What works for me may not work for you. For ex: Classical music and rock music are stress for me! But I know one aunt who can listen to classical music for days together and a friend who gets pepped up after listening to rock music. You have to find what works for you. Use your five senses. To help you understand below are some examples.

- See a space in your house like a backyard filled with favorite plants or even close your eyes to imagine a beautiful place that feel peaceful.

- Hear the soundtrack of nature sounds or uplifting recitation of holy books.

- Smell your favorite perfume or some fresh flowers.

- Taste that delicious dark chocolate that melts the tension as it melts in the mouth.

- Touch that soft coat of your pet or squeeze the rubbery stress ball.

As we learn through practice, this skill will helps us to overcome challenges in life and display qualities of trust, confidence and empathy. Nutritious food, avoiding a sedentary life and negative people is also beneficial in the long run. If you feel nothing is working, you need to see a specialist for a therapy.

Now read the changed situations I described in the beginning.

Ronny starts his day at work by listening to some soothing sounds of nature. He feels relaxed to take on the day and focuses on his work. He is pleasant to his colleagues.

Shahid recollects his favorite vacation to the Swiss alps and with renewed energy focuses on finding ways to repay his debts. He feels he is able to have a clarity to tackle his money problems.

Deepa, when she reaches home she goes to her backyard and spends time watering and tending to her little garden. By the time her spouse comes home, she is much more balanced person.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. Being emotionally intelligent to manage stress is vital for good health. How did you tackle your stress after reading this blog post? Please do share your thoughts in the comment section and let me know how did you find this post. 

Till next time, wishing you positivity and happy de-stressing! Share it with anybody you feel who needs it.

Love,

Fizz

 The above article was published on FTC annual newsletter 2019-2020

https://www.flipbookpdf.net/web/site/a3c17deb9ea08943d25c6239fd15cd3403135f64202006.pdf.html#page/8

To err is human and to forgive is a real stress buster!

  

                                     

" I can never everrrrrrr forgive you.'' " I am gonna show it to you exactly the way you did it to me.""Argh, I hate that person." "Its over, our relationship is OVER."

These above sentences sound so familiar to all of us. We all as humans have gone through instances in life where somebody has wronged us, hurt us, abused us and misused sometimes. The closest people in our lives have more power to hurt us and the people we love have most. The harder part is to forgive them and to love them again.  When we choose to forgive somebody, we give up our revenge and the bitter feelings that ensue. We replace them with compassion, generosity and forgiveness.

Wait a minute, are you thinking like... What new Fizz? Same rubbish, easy to say and hard to do. I am gonna never forgive that @%$# . I just closed my ears and you quickly close your mouth. My dear friend, yes you. The one whose heart is heavy and full of resentment towards somebody. Let me enlighten you scientifically, spiritually and psychologically.

Scientifically, it has been proven by research that people who chose to forgive - lived longer. The most funny part about forgiveness is that we feel we are doing a favor by forgiving them. On the contrary, it is receiving the biggest favor. I'll explain. It has been proven that harbored resentments, hate, hurt cause disruption in our biological system leading to disease and anguish. By cursing and blaming others, we are ruining our peace. To forgive is to rebalance oneself.  Here is the catch, forgive with your heart not your mind. The heart can forgive, but the head makes empty promises that do not complete and sooner or later negative feelings creep up and blow it all. Forgiving is like a mental and emotional bath to remove the toxic thoughts that can tax the body over a period of time. That is where the quality of our happiness and life begins. The heart, hormones and immune system starts improving.

Spiritually, we all know almost all the religions speak about forgiveness.

• In Christianity, Jesus has repeatedly emphasized about forgiveness. "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
• In Buddhism, Forgiveness is a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc of mental well being.
• In Hinduism, Forgiveness is one of the six cardinal virtues. One of my favorite quote is from Mahabharata. 'Righteousness is one of the highest good, forgiveness is one of the supreme peace, knowledge is one of the supreme contentment and Benevolence, one sole happiness.
• In my religion of Islam-  Allah has given us intellect that holds us responsible for our actions. We humans, sometimes err by mistake and some times deliberately. We are responsible but we do mistakes and hence we also need forgiveness. Islam speaks of  two aspects of forgiveness, one is Allah's forgiveness and the other one is Human forgiveness.  Allah is most forgiving, he is also known by the name Al Ghaffur (oft-forgiving) and repentance is considered a great virtue in Islam. Human forgiveness means that we muslims believe that it is necessary to base the relationships on forgiveness. We cannot expect Allah to forgive us unless we forgive those who have done wrong to us. In the holy Quran there is a verse that says - 'The reward of the evil is evil thereof, but whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah' (Al Shura 42:40)

Psychologically, the people who forgive are less likely to be depressed and anxious. They are happy and live longer. The response of forgiving and seeking forgiveness for doing something wrong has various mental health boosting effects.

STEPS INVOLVED IN FORGIVENESS

1. Remember- what happened and what emotions you felt.
2. Understand- what the other person thought and how they felt as they experienced the emotions.
3. Identify the reasons that stop you to forgive, how you expected them to act.
4. Choose to accept responsibility of your life, free others from your expectations.
5. Release and let go, inhale- forgive- exhale. Ex: Shake hands, share a hug may be.

After forgiveness comes reconciliation, it means the next time you see the other person, there is no burning desire to kick him or her, no foul words dancing on the tip of the tongue neither you feel like a vulnerable puppy. Now, you have reached the highest point of healing. I know it is normal we do want apology from the person who wronged us. Please don't wait for that and don't expect a promise that they will change. Forgive for a healthier and happy you! Please note, criminals and law breakers should and must be punished accordingly. The judge cannot say I forgive you.

Congratulations, you have successfully completed your workshop on Forgiveness. All cheques and cash towards this course can be converted into flowers and cards towards someone you have wronged or a retail therapy to make yourself feel better if you have been wronged ;)

Till next time, keep showing that wonderful smile:)

Love,
Fizz

THE DEVILISH ANGEL

             

 It makes you believe you have company of hundreds of people but in reality you are lonely. It makes you popular among people when in reality it is not your true self. It makes you laugh with no real muscles involved but a mere LOL.  It is getting you closer to people far away and getting you far away from people close by. It gives you hundreds of new ideas but in reality you are lazy to execute them. It exposes you to imperfect people appearing perfect when in reality the perfect people in your life are losing worth.  It glamorizes alcohol, nakedness, materialism and takes you far away from moral and cultural values.

Well, the list goes on and on. In my span of writing I have not come across a subject that can outnumber negative than positive effects on human race. The social media has revolutionized the way we talk and interact with people because these internet apps allow the exchange and creation of the content without actual personal interaction. The number of people using the social media keeps growing everyday.

Some of the real facts of social media are

• The desire to compare lives! Compare looks, travel, shopping, spouses, houses, popularity. Oh what is she wearing? What is he driving? Where is she going? What did he eat? Whom is she seeing? Blah Blah Blah. If a person is jealous chances are it is the best medium to find whereabouts, track conversation, check comments and fire own bottoms with results.
• If you are bored, what better way is there than to sit and stalk pictures and profiles. Hmm so feeling restless, so sad your wifi is not working or your data package got over. Too bad you forgot your phone at home.
• Face to face interaction? Forget it I will just message on watsapp. There is reduced quality time spending with family as somebody is always busy staring at their phone. My cousin just moved from India closer to my home. I got her India number through another cousin through watsapp and our conversation started on watsapp. We chatted a long time and then I guess we felt there was no need for real interaction as we had already run out of conversation. Few times of planned meeting never materialized and we are just continuing our relationship on watsapp. I have not seen her in ages but know her considerably well now.
• License to hurt others- No need to open the big mouth and fabricate words from the boneless organ. The rubbish in the mind can be translated into texts and our fingers can send them. The chances are negligible that the tongue can slip if that person is present physically but on the blank screen the fingers are can send anything we want in our anger or frustration. One cannot sense the emotion or enthusiasm of the other person and makes us wonder what they are saying leading to misunderstanding. Real conversation needs emotions, body language and voice modulation.
• Creating a self image by posting edited pictures, made to look perfect, sharing happy news and success stories. Tra la la la. No sad news. I think some share that also. Sometimes people post hundreds of images doing everything like eating, sitting, jumping, laughing, dancing, pouting and many more verbs i can remember. How much effort and energy must be going into dressing themselves, posing and posting. Think about annoying other people around to click their pictures. Hey we forgot about selfies!! How many selfies we all take to get that perfect one to go on Instagram. On an average if we spend one hour everyday it would be nine weeks in a year roughly, that is enough to complete a college course.
• Loss of productivity- I read that companies lose millions of dollars every year because employees are busy with social media. I once saw a lady in a company during my part time work during internship. She would quickly switch the website when she would see the boss around. She managed to complete her work somehow, not sure how!

 These were some of the major drawbacks not forgetting it causes addiction, reduces learning and research capabilities of students.  There is fear of being left out if we are not sharing our life leading to false isolation, befriending strangers,  Online harassment,  manipulation of thoughts and affecting real relationships.Phew!! That’s quite a number of drawbacks. Don’t you think?

 A friend of mine was telling me we have to stay in shape always and she was trying hard to lose kilos. I asked her why?  Her fiance told her someone was looking beautiful on social media and she paused.  I could sense her insecurity. She asked me you feel the same?  I pondered and thought, my husband once mentioned that one woman was dressed so horribly and posted so many pictures on daily basis. Hmmm, I arched my eyebrow thinking he noticed, huh. I blinked my eyes and said “well, no, I don’t think so”. No, no I brushed it off, but that thought lingered. 

I am not against social media, it is excellent way to revive and preserve relationships. For businesses it is a cheap and effective way to enhance their brand image and gain customers. For politicians it is source to garner votes and spread their message to the public. Movie stars find it easier to promote their movies and endorsements.

Moderation is the key! We have to avoid addiction to these apps as there are many opportunities we are missing around us in real world while we are hooked to our devices. Do actual face to face interaction and read the person more accurately. Nurture interests and develop them. Teach youngsters to differentiate between substance and trash. Please DO NOT share inappropriate content and preserve your private moments with your loved ones. It is a humble request. Real relationships can never replace the relationships on social media.

Time to think about it mon amis!

Keep smiling and take care till I get back:). Please do share your valuable contributions to this topic below.

Fizz

FAILURE AND REJECTION - How to cope up?

Since three weeks it was repeating. I could no longer contain my feelings. Tried to teach, tried to do it myself, tried to explain and tried patience. It did not work. If you are wondering what it is, it was my ordeal with my dental assistant.

My patients and I would be waiting long for her to set up the instruments and set right the things needed her to. After beginning work, I had to constantly ask her for missing instruments. She would search and search in spite of clear instructions to organize. During tooth colored fillings, where there has to be utmost moisture control there would be a pool of saliva. She would be standing there suctioning air and looking somewhere. I had to take a deep breath and redo the whole thing.

Whenever cement needed to be mixed, it would make me nervous. I knew disaster was on the way. Cement not be mixed on glass slab was mixed right on it! I had to abandon my patient and remove my gloves to do the needful. If she by chance mixed it properly on paper, there would be issue with consistency of the cement.

Shooting an x-ray, tell me about it. She would stand there forgetting to switch the button on. After few seconds, I would ask what happened. She would calmly go and switch on the button. Sometimes it looked like she wanted to drive me crazy purposefully. My work was suffering. I could no longer compromise on my work. Quality was essential essence of my dentistry.

Enough was enough! After the patient walked out, I called her. I addressed her to not work in the dental department anymore. She was a nurse and she was best working in the medical department. She looked at me and asked ‘Why madam?’

I told that it was getting difficult for me. To my irritation she told, the other Dr.xyz had no problem.

‘Please speak to the director that this job is difficult for you to learn. She nodded and walked out. After few minutes she came inside and asked whether I can speak to the director. I said 'I will come in few minutes.' After a while I went there, she was standing there outside the director’s room with tears in her eyes. What a strategy to make me a victim I thought to myself. We went in and the director asked, yes doctor? I was still thinking what to say. I spoke “Sir, please let the other assistants work for me.” From the corner of the eye I saw her shedding tears. The director eyes were looking at her with full sympathy and when he looked at me, he spoke. “She can always learn, teach her.” I blurted out ‘I tried to teach her, she makes no efforts to grasp it.’ Oops I was blunt. The director paused and said he will look into it. We walked out. As I turned my back and started walking, I could hear other nurse ‘Don’t cry, it’s going to be fine’

I walked into my room exasperated. That evening after work I did not see her. Next day she had taken leave. The day after I saw her in the reception, she pretended not to see me. Normally it would be a good morning wish from her. God alone knows what she has spoken to other nurses they started behaving strangely with me. It was a little tense environment at work. I concluded that failure was taken in the most negative way.

My mind strangely connected me with a similar memory during my school years. I had failed in my regional language paper consecutively twice in my monthly tests. The teacher had walked up to me and spoke to me sternly, ‘If you continue like this, this red mark will be there in your final exam and that means you have say bye to your classmates. I returned home and showed it to my father, second red mark with the saddest face on planet earth. I dared not show it to my mother.

My father looked at me and the marks card. He spoke seriously ‘Oho, why you failed? This is not good, next time onwards this should not happen. We both will make chits for you.’   I smiled and then we both burst into laughter. It lit up my face and failure had vanished. My father had the beautiful gift of humor. He told me to work hard next time and it was not the end of the world.

I decided to work on it everyday, asked for help from friends, took tuitions. After the next result came, I had passed. The month after I was doing well and another month passed. Voila! I had scored second highest in the subject. I remember the moment when the teacher made my classmates applaud at me for my achievement. It was a special moment and it made me feel special. It was for the first time that made me realize, that failure can be changed.

We all know failure is tough. It is hard on our self esteem and self confidence. A point where we feel most vulnerable and sad. Biggest failures in life can be huge financial losses in businesses, Marriages ending in divorces, Rejection from the person you love, Failing in examinations and losing job.

Nobody is immune to it! Nobody can escape it. It is inevitable part of our lives. Below are the seven steps to help an individual cope better with it.

1. Remain calm- Emotions can be over powering. Don’t get angry or pull yourself down into depression. Don’t compare yourself with somebody else. It is very important to accept the situation as real rather than fighting hard. No point dragging yourself down. If you don’t keep yourself down a long time, nobody else will.
2. Humor- The ability to laugh at oneself and appreciate humor can have good psychological effect on the body. Laugh and make others laugh. Studies have proven that if they worked for someone who is humor oriented, they have greater job satisfaction.
3. Building Resilience- It is not about being blindly positive but being realistically optimist. Pick the little opportunities for growth and learning. Avoid focus on hassles and complaints. Take criticism to build what you lack.
4. Planning- Sit down in a calm place and write down what was the reason? How can you improve? What choices I need to make? Do I need to try it again? If yes, put every ounce of passion and determination to succeed. Plan what strategies and steps need to be taken.
5. Motivate yourself- Stay with positive people, people who care for you. Don’t care about negative people. The people who really care about you will not say hurtful things to you, especially aimed at your failure.
6. Quit- yes! Quit! It is not losing. If it is not working after your 100 percent, then quit. Sometimes we have to quit to find something better. No need to be perfect, some goals turn out to be unrealistic. Sometimes it is not your fault, the team may be responsible, your partner may be the one or your friend did not co operate.
7. Move on- Forgive, forget and move on. Learn from your experience and please share it with others, so that somebody in a similar situation can avoid the mistake you made.

Failure is just a judgment of an event, someone has said. It is just the way you analyze the situation. In a society obsessed with success, failing can be testing and made into a big issue. We just have to realize that failure is a big teacher about will power, persistence and about valuing hardwork. I would like to end my post by quoting Winston Churchill- Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

So dear friends lets not fail- let us learn!

Much love, until next time keep smiling

Fizz

10 that strengthen and 10 that weaken a 'MARRIAGE'

Marriage is when man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one :) Lets be serious now, marriage is not a word…It’s a sentence, a life sentence...he he he. Oh god! Lets stop it. Marriage is a formal union or legal contract between a man and woman that establishes rights and obligations between them. Finally we got the definition right!

The major religions also have their say. Both the male and female represent the two halves of the divine body in Hinduism. The purpose is to nurture love for each other and not self-interest. They take oath for self restraint and to work for the welfare of the family.
Christianity regards wedlock as a relationship that is lasts throughout life between a man and his wife that is decreed by God. The two become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Islam considers marriage as ‘Half the deen’ means a very important part of it. Once a person marries it means he completes half his faith in Allah. It is considered as most virtuous and approved institutions.

In times like today where stress contributes to a major part of peoples lives. There is increasing number of failures. Women and children are abused and families falling apart. People are forgetting their religion and fancy modern thoughts that have no basis and roots but purely stemmed from human’s selfish desires.

Its time for some tips. Ok ok, I am not an expert! After some research and some personal experience, I am sharing few essential elements that can make or break a relationship. Just hope somebody can save or mend or build or make a bond that lasts forever through this article.

Let’s start on the positives and then have a look at the disasters. So, the top ten makers of a beautiful wedlock are

1. Considering each other- For the ladies out there, understand your husband for the important decisions he takes. He is after all the head of the family, give him his rights. For the men out there, after God it’s your parents, after that it is your wife that makes your life. So give her what she deserves, right to be taken care of.
2. Learn to negotiate conflicts- Please refer to my post on conflicts in year 2010 for more details.  Conflicts can increase in intensity and can be detrimental to your health. Working out ways first by understanding your own issues and respect for the other is important. Arguments are like a fire in the house, it can burn it down in no time. Put it out before it’s too late. Avoid anger when solving it.
3. Please your spouse- Dress up for each other. Ladies take time to look your best in front of your spouse. Make up, lingerie, fine dresses and fragrance!! When was the last time your husband came to a clean house, well dressed you, a well prepared dinner and well cleaned up children? Gentlemen don’t take cleanliness for granted, look your best and smell nice. When was the last time you brought home some flowers, a gift and flashed a smile when you entered your home?
4. Humor and laughter- Laugh at things together, smile at each other often. A smile costs nothing but buys everything. If you expect that from your partner, make it easier and take care of their happiness. Selfishness will never make you see that smiling person in your spouse!
5. Jobs- In a marriage both of them have respective roles for the efficient running of the house. Take charge of your responsibilities and manage your finances. Divide your duties and do them. The TV, internet and mobile phone does not need all your time; your house needs more care and attention.
6. Trust- Trust! Trust! Trust!  Yes without you respecting it and keeping it up, your marriage means soil for suspicion, satan and sorrow to grow and rip it apart. Be trustworthy. You both are equal partners to build a home of love and peace.
7. Forgiveness- We as humans make a lot of errors, forgiving is very important to keep your heart free of ill will and negativity. If your spouse has made a mistake, realizes it and repairs it. Let it go. You could one day make a mistake on your own. No one is perfect.
8. Worship together- Find a common spiritual connection. Connection with God is emphasized to direct your thoughts towards peace and unity. To be regular in prayers and practice goodness everyday inside and outside the house.
9. Time for each other- Quality time together is important. Go for rides together, visit friends and family together, spend time alone together and explore intimacy together.
10. Respect- We all should show respect towards everybody. When we give respect, we earn respect. So imagine how much respect you need to give your spouse? Verbal and Physical abuse should not be tolerated by anybody.


Now let us have a look at the ten disasters that can weaken the bond.

1. Misbehavior- Saying hateful things, insulting each other and negative humor can spell disaster. Physical and mental tortures are the worst things that you can do to your spouse.
2. Breaking Promises- Never make promises that you cannot keep. Never speak words that you don’t mean. They all can have a negative effect.
3. Ignoring- Not replying back, not returning the call, avoiding communication, avoiding physical contact and not lending a listening ear. Who would like it?
4. Suspicion- It is thoughts, imagination or doubts that have no basis or proof and can end up false accusation of the other. It causes mental illness, hatred and leads to another major sin of backbiting.
5. Lying-Without any doubt, all religions and the ethical systems of the world warn against it and agree it is wrong. One lie leads to another and before you know you are in a deep troubled state of affairs. One lie can shatter trust, breaking the trust of your partner can be very difficult to bring it back.
6. Cheating- It is heinous and despicable act that is shameful and contrast to a noble character. Showing your partner you love and going to another person to fulfill emotional and physical needs is being a traitor. One should value self highly to avoid falling for such lowly needs of human nature.
7. I’m busy! - Your top priority is your family that lays the foundation of a great society. The peace and security offered by a stable family is essential for the spiritual growth of the members. Make time for each other, life can end before you even know. The love and time you shared with your family will be deeply valued.
8. Avoiding prayer- Connection with your creator is mandatory for guidance in life. It calms your soul and gives you new perspective to look at situations.
9. Jealousy- It is a disease of the heart. Some people have so much pride that they cannot see the other progress. Love for power and ambition will make a person unable to see their partner doing better.
10. Taking things for granted-  When newly married, most couples remember smallest of things concerning each other, bringing gifts on every occasion, whispering sweet words, sending love notes. As years pass by, they take everything for granted causing disinterest and boooom! Disintegration of the relationship.

    I am sure there may be many more things that can make or break. The important ones are highlighted here. Marriage can be most beautiful if sustained on love and mercy.  Don’t break up if you see problems, just wake up and take a hard look, ask for help if it is beyond your capacity. Avoid the negatives and reinforce the positives. Inshallah, you will enjoy a lasting relationship with your better half.

So it was some fizz gyan for you ;) Keep smiling my friends:) until I have something else to write about!

Love,
Fizz

R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N

The word religion is more sensitive than Mimosa Pudica* [ I remember its name as it reminds me of samosa and pudina ..;p]  and has the potential to be more explosive than nuclear bomb in terms of human feelings.

Religion is derived from the Latin religiō, the ultimate origins of which are obscure.

 It also has a root word from Old French which means respect for what is sacred. According to Firdose (ok there are no stars on the ceiling, it’s me!!) it means a belief system connecting us to our creator. Human life at one point wants to find out the reason for its existence.

Let me share with you one interesting observation.  I uploaded the video about a genocide in Burma where thousands of innocent people  are killed and tortured in the name of belief. It is about humanity be it about this killing or any other killing in the world, in the name of any religion. I never got any response for the video from any of my facebook pals. Surprisingly it missed all their eyes. The same day I uploaded a cat’s photo and I got four likes and also a comment! Bravo:) Trivial things get more attention than major issues rocking the world.

From my derivative conclusion, somewhere we do not want to mess up with it, we are unsure of our words, we do not want to show our feelings openly and we want to be SILENT! Shhhhhhhh. It is the best solution in a world filled with religious controversies and power struggle.

There is a new Gandhiji’s monkey in the market, a monkey that can tape its mouth, blindfold it eyes and puts ear plugs in his ears. All functions at the same time. So it means

See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil??  Oh come on!! It is obsolete and unfashionable now. It has new mantra and that is

It does not see- BLOODSHED

It does not hear- HUMAN CRIES

It does not speak – STOP KILLING

Like we wanted to emulate Gandhiji’s monkeys, we almost resemble this new monkey.

We may be defensive and the least we did was pray ‘Oh God, help this world’

All of us are born and all of us die one day. This is the universal truth. In this short period between life and death we seek knowledge, we seek love, we seek happiness, we seek wealth and above all we seek GOD. We seek the truth about our existence and our relationship with our creator. There are about 43 religions in this world today and there are five major religions based on the polls, surveys and statistics. They are

-Christianity

-Islam

-Hinduism

-Judaism

-Buddhism

[Nobody mentioned about the sixth fastest growing major religion –MONEY! Strange how people can corner the fact, huh!]

These all are nothing but bridges that lead us to our final destination after we bid adieu to this material world and step into mysterious land of the unseen. Human beings are churning machines of needs, wants and desires. Only death can put an end to it. We constantly turn to God to fulfil them. I do not want to comment on people who do not believe in God as they cannot see the beauty around them even with open eyes.

All the great religions appear to have origin from prophets who gave solution to the people seeking an answer to their problems. These prophets have emerged at different time and different places of the world. Some prophesize faith, some prophesize practice and some both.

Every religion is beautiful when you see the goodness of it and every religion is ugly when you see the followers modifying it and doing wrong on its name. The most important thing is we can never force faith. Human beings have a limited free will and they are the best judges to seek what is right and wrong. We cannot choose our origin, but we choose our path and our destination.

The more I searched, the thirstier I grew to find a connection with God. The more I studied about different religions, the more respect I developed towards them. Every religion teaches good, the choice is ours to choose what we want. Every indivisual should be respected regardless of his choice. 

This world is a wonderful creation and every form of life being a miracle. Each life is struggling for sustenance here. Why do we hate, when we can try to love. Why do we kill, when we can try to support? Why do we remain silent, when we can try to speak? Why destroy when we can try to build. Why cry when we can try to smile? :)

All we need to is try, because just as GOD exists there is EVIL that misleads. The best we can do is to be tolerant towards our fellow beings. Imagine a world without diversity and difference. Unfortunately, people exploit other people for their beliefs.Stand up for any human atrocity. Let us live and let live. Humanity is first always.

Asking me whether it is so easy? Ask yourself if good things come easy.

Till next time;)
O yeah. smile please.
Fizz